I went to see the Hunger Games with a group made up mostly of colleagues from my former workplace last night. Almost started bawling at the end.
If you’ve seen the film, you’re right to wonder about this. It’s a good adaptation of the novel, no doubt, but it’s not so well done as to induce tears (at least, not imho).
No, it wasn’t the movie that made me weepy. It was the recognition that this might well have been my last girls’ movie night with some of these women.
If you’re wondering whether this has something to do with the game changing decision I wrote about in my last blog post, your spidey sense is bang on.
It happened Monday morning. At work of all places.
The thought had been bouncing around my head for a couple of weeks. I’d let it mature from idea to possibility without even realizing it. Breathed life into it by speaking it out loud. First as a long-term consideration with people who knew me. Then as a near-term possibility with a couple of strangers.
And then, all of a sudden in the middle of an otherwise ordinary Monday morning: a decision.
A jolt of total clarity.
A “what’s now” moment so golden I could barely stop smiling for the hour after it hit me.
I’m not sure exactly when, nor what I’m going to do about my condo, my career, or the ache caused by the thousand goodbyes I am going to have to say when I leave, but sometime in the not to distant future, I am moving back to Toronto.
After almost thirteen years of being away, of firsts and trying new things and endings shared over the phone, of “hugs” first by email and later texts, I am going to be living in the same city as my family again.
Last night may well have been my last girls’ movie night with that particular group of awesome women. And our genius pre-movie snack may well have been my last Beaver Tail (an Ottawa classic for those unfamiliar with this particular form of goodness).
This a.mazing breakfast sandwich enjoyed with my dear friend OH this morning . . . in all likelihood the last I’ll have at Artisin bakery before leaving (bought a jar of the jalapeño relish just in case!).
But as much as these and all the other lastsI’ll experience over the next little while will be hard, I know in my heart that facing them will be worth it.
Having my my brother G over for sandwiches made on the panini grill he got me instead of simply texting him pictures of my creations.
Seeing a movie we’re actually interested in with my brother A instead of just heading to whatever’s playing while I’m in town.
Having them close by when I one day have my own family.
So. very. worth. it.