I have a problem.

On the one hand it’s minor given the major sh#t I’ve got going down right now as I shake up my life up like a pair of dice and see if I can roll a pair of double sixes (aka move cities, jobs and the focus of my entire life in about a three month period).

On the other hand, it’s something that, left unaddressed, could go on to have a lasting impact. In particular on my new found focus on having a family of my own one day. Which, ideally, I’d like to do with someone. As in, a man. Who I, you know, like, date and stuff first.

So, my problem is this: I’m too good at being friends with guys.

Exhibit A — Excerpt from a conversation with a friend the other day:

v: I automatically assume guys want to be “just friends” with me.

friend: I assume most of them are trying to get in my pants.

v: I wish I thought that! That’s normal and healthy. Instead my tomboy side kicks in when I meet a new guy I connect with. I’m happy to have someone to talk about cars and sports and renovations with, and assume that’s all he’s looking for too. I think it’s ‘cus I grew up the only girl with two brothers . . .

friend: Maybe it’s a confidence thing. Maybe I think too highly of myself?

v: No, it’s good you think that way! I think it’s partly ‘cus I was off the market for so long. Between 22 and 30 I was taken, and I kinda lost touch with the idea of more than “just friends.” Plus now so many guys I’m friends with are taken, and I would never go there, so . . . You know, when I became single, I remember saying that I was basically going to need a guy to say the words “I want to have the sex with you” for me to realize that’s what’s going on. This is not good! Not super focused on dating right now ‘cus of my move, but this could be a major issue in the future . . .

Exhibit B — It’s been almost two months since my last date. Bit longer than that since I last, well, you know . . .

No biggie. Yet. I mean, I’m not looking for anything serious while sorting out my move. At the same time, I wouldn’t mind something, maybe, well . . . something fun, I guess, as I navigate my last seven and a half weeks of living solo.

Clearly, I need help.

So, whether here using the comments function, in person or via some other form of communication, would love to hear others’ thoughts on the following:

– What signals do you use to tell when a guy wants to be more than “just friends?”

– When such signals are observed, and you like the person back, what do you do about it? Keep in mind I’m trying to avoid being the pursuer (not ‘cus I lack the confidence to play this role, but rather because right now, I’m kinda really drawn to the idea of being with a guy who also has that level of confidence . . . make sense?)

Thx in advance, friends!


Was thinking about this more and am wondering if maybe I’m being too picky with the second question . . .  So, let’s say I am willing to do my share of the pursuing.  What sage advice do you have for me, interweb friends, on how to know a dude is interested in my, er, pants, and not just my opinion on Nadal’s chances in the French Open (starts May 22 – squeels!)

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