It’s midnight. I should be crawling into bed right now. Except I can’t. Because I’m not even a little bit tired. Because my head and heart are effin’ all over the place right now.
Moving: must book a truck, pack, sell the furniture I’m not keeping, complete a ton of change of address forms etc. within the next three weeks; must find a place to live in July should my last day at my current job not turn out to fall before my move date (feel free to cross your fingers and toes for moi that the dates end up working out!)
Lasts: must reconcile myself to the fact that over the next few weeks each step I take on each road I go down in this city that has been my home for the last almost 13 years may be the last time I trace that particular route; must figure out which roads I most want to go down one more time before leaving Ottawa . . . for example, lasts from the weekend that just ended: carrot cake cupcake at Second Ave. Sweets, roti and jazz at Groovy’s Roti Hut, and swinging by the Governor General’s crib with my dear friend M).
Future: must stick to my commitment to live with intention in planning my new life in Toronto; must put time into discovering what the best path is for me as I figure out what I’ll do with the break between my current job and the next one (take a trip with my dad?), what I want my next job to be (helping profession?), and what kind of community I want to become part of in T.O. (for some reason I’m thinking I might like to try roller derby . . . any “Whip It” fans out there? Ruthless!)
So, yeh . . . with these and many other things (don’t even get me started on the day-to-day sh#t like paying bills, doing laundry and baking carrot cake for a work social gathering because I stoopidly REFUSE to admit I’m too busy to do stuff like that right now) competing for my time and emotional energy right now, sleep is kinda taking a back seat.
So why I am I blogging at a time like this? Why am I not instead folding the laundry that I started at 10 o’clock at night and is now sat wrinkling in the drier?
Well, it’s not fool proof plan, but past experience has taught me that sometimes writing about the stuff bugging me helps me put it to bed for a while.
Helps me put myself to bed for a while?