It’s been a while.
Five and a half weeks since my last post to be exact.
You can’t imagine how many posts I’ve started to write in my head between then and now only to never move from thought to action by putting fingers to keys and sharing my stories.
There’s a couple of reasons.
But only one really matters.
The last month has been pretty tough.
The number of emotionally intricate situations and conversations I’ve had to navigate in the last four weeks has been . . . well, high.
And so each time I thought to blog, each time I began to put words and pictures to my life right now, I got stuck.
At first I thought it was because these situations and conversations are not mine alone to tell. But then I realized that even if they were, or even if I could find a way to isolate the pieces of them that are mine to share with you, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to. Or more importantly, that I needed to.
‘Cus the thing is, all things considered, I’m actually handling all this tough pretty well right now.
So, this is not the post where I tell you what’s going on. Instead, this is the post where I celebrate how well I’m dealing with so much tough stuff all at once without crumbling. Without shutting down. Without falling into old patterns of playing hide and never seek with my emotions. Without stumbling blindly through the tough without awareness of how I am feeling this day, this hour, this moment.
This is the post where I share with you how proud of myself I am that I am finding room to let my heart ache from the weight of carrying around several tough things at once. That I am reminding myself that it’s alright to cry from the pain. But that I am still finding room to laugh too.
I’m not going to lie. I’ve not landed on the perfect balance yet. But I’m still proud of myself for my awareness of my struggle to find it. Proud of myself for having truly moved beyond an “act now, feel later” approach to the tough. Cause when you shut out the tough, you risk shutting out the joy, too.
To close, a few of the things I’ve found joy in this last month . . .