The thing hasn’t changed.

My relationship to the thing has changed.

I am still just as in transition as I was a few months ago.

In fact, one could argue that the longer I go without taking the steps so many of us associate with having a full, adult life like being in a relationship or buying property, the more in transition I grow.

So the thing hasn’t changed.

No.

My understanding of it has.

I’ve been delving deeper into Eastern philosophy-inspired thinking lately. Re-examining concepts I have long-held as truths without fully understanding or embracing them.

Like the fact that all we have is now.

This moment.

Right now.

So when we dwell in the past or grasp for the future, when we determine ourselves by what we fear we are about to lose or desperately wish to gain / regain . . . we are wasting energy. We are cutting off our enjoyment of the present moment by experiencing it through what preceded or will follow it.

Or the fact that we can only change what we understand.

So that mindfulness is the path, not the destination. And it is a path that doesn’t end. Though the terrain is variable, and we gain endurance and increase our ability to navigate it with experience.

That we can set intentions.

But we must let go of outcome.

So that when I say I want to create a family one day, while at the same time accepting embracing the fact that I have no control over what form that family will take, or how or when it will emerge, this is really the only mindset available to me. I can try to control the outcome. I can make choices to help nudge it into a shape that suits me. But in so doing I will inevitably poison intention with control; cause anguish as I tumble out of my enjoyment of the present moment and fall smack into my desires for some uncertain future.

These truths are not new to me. I waxed poetic about living in the now all through 2012 (it was my “year of now,” some regular readers may recall). I connected with the importance of being mindful of what leads to my golden moments as I began writing about “doing what you love” just over a year ago.

What is new to me is my deepened understanding of them.

The growing imprint of them upon ever more complex ares of my life.

The loss of equilibrium when I find myself struggling to change my relationship to some new, or persistent, thing that I can’t quite stop trying to control.

The lightness each time I stop letting a present moment be judged by a future aspiration.

Like today. In the middle of the third day of a week-long vacation from work. When I found myself thinking: “There will come a day when vacations are family time for me; but for now, I am utterly content to rock the hell out of this week on my own that I have before me.”

The thing hasn’t changed.

My relationship to the thing has changed.

I am still in transition, sure.

But aren’t we are all, always, in transition?

To close, a few pics of my intentions for my week off:

Outside time. 

I plan to overdoese on it.

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Above is a pic I took on my Saturday out and back ride from my place to Oakville with my dad. At 73 KM it was a new distance record for him, and a pleasure to guide for me. Earlier tonight I went on an urban hike with my outdoor club, and later this week I’m headed out on a 5 day canoe trip to Temagami. Nature and me are gonna be tight by week’s end!

Taking care of me.

Writing my blog, practicing yoga, chilling on my hammock (below pic) . . .

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I’ve spent a lot of energy navigating a couple of really tough emotional situations over the last six months, and while I’ve tried to continuously find room for self-care, it’s been hard. Plus, you can never have too much self-care!

Giving some love to my introvert side.

I consider myself an ambivert who gets my energy both from time alone and with others. Since my office job requires tons of people time I intend to pay a bit of extra attention to my introvert side this week.

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So earlier this afternoon when the rainy weather gave me an excuse to spend some quality solo time with a favourite mug and some beautiful music . . . I embraced the heck out of that present moment.

Vacation bliss indeed.

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